A load of funny things
by Kitty Trace
Summary: Don't even bother trying this at home,I got this off the internet as a laugh so read it and review.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey keri,I found this amazing ebook online,come read it with me",Dan say's walking over to Keri.  
"Sure",Keri say's reading it.

Chapter one (I got this off the internet)

6 ways to annoy your neighbor

_**1)Do not hurt your neighbor or your neighbor's house in any way!**__**That will get you into even more trouble than you might already be in.**_

2)**Begin small.** Maybe you know certain music they hate? Play that real loud in front of their house. Do you know their phone number? Maybe you should give 'em a little call. Not necessarily a prank call, but an annoying one in which you talk and talk for ages about something bothering you between your land and your neighbor's.

3)**Be assertive.** When a neighbor is being really difficult and unfriendly, be assertive, not aggressive. Stand on your own principles and be firm but polite.

4)**Do things 6-7 months past due.** Go trick-or-treating in April, sing Christmascarols in July, and pack up your bags in the middle of December and say you're going on summer vacation.

5)**Leave your garden clippings in a huge pile in full view of their house.** Don't move it for ages; this upsets neat freaks a lot.

6)**Talk to yourself in your yard.** Laugh and cry and chatter whenever they're inthe back yard.


	2. Chapter 2

chapter 2

32 ways to annoy your teachers (I found this all on the internet)

1_After your teacher is done lecturing, raise your hand and ask, "How is this relevant?"

2_When the teacher calls on you, answer him/her in a foreign language, or gibberish. Make sure they don't understand it. xD

3_When the teacher calls on you, randomly say "Would you like fries with that?" and salute (This just makes my algebra teacher laugh).

4_Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.

5_If doing a long project, include a VCR booklet manual. Say you have psychic abilities, and saw the hidden words shown only to you.

6_Organize a group of people to emit a low, humming noise keeping **straight faces.**

7_Ask people to hold your hand and walk you to all your classes.

8_Develop an unnatural fear of pencils.

9_Develop an unnatural fear of quizzes. xD

10_No matter what the teacher asks you, reply with, "Okay."

11_Stand up on your seat (in the middle of class) and ask your peers, "Does any one here know the muffin man?" If anyone says 'yes', hoot and holler, and high-five them, returning to your seat like nothing happened.

12_In your math class, insist that 2+2=64.

13_Call your teacher by their opposeite sex name. ie, "Mr. Donaldson" would be "Ms. Donaldson", and vice-versa.

14_Constantly accuse your science teacher of being an anti-dentite after class. Walk away before they can respond.

15_Drum on every available surface.

16_During a quiz, hum an annoying song like, "Feliz Navidad" or "It's a Small World".

17_Cite your bibliography from manga/comic books.

18_If late for class, make a scene walking in and saying REALLY loud, "Sorry I'm late! I had to go use the bathroom! Boy does it stink!". Then go to your seat, but LOUDLY.

19_When the teacher tells the class to go to a specific page, ask, "What page?"

20_ Whine and groan, "Aww, do we HAVE to?"

21_Ask your teacher if he/she can throw a party. Insist this throughout the class period.

22_Make exploding sounds when using a stapler.

23_Laugh hysterically in the middle of lecture. When asked what's so funny, blink numerous times and respond with, "What what's so funny?". Continue with this until the person gets fed up.

24_Make out with your folder in the middle of class.

25_Try to sing opera at lunchtime.

26_Do the YMCA dance in every class, without singing it.

27_Chant and hum before every quiz, making a big deal of blessing your paper.

28_Cosplay as your favourite anime character to school. Make sure to act like your character to add more spice.

29_Cosplay as your favourite anime character to school. When asked, say that your dog ate all your clothes, leaving those only available.

30_Bring an accordion to lunch, and play for money. Even better, play an annoying song. People would just pay you just to stop.

31_If writing on the chalk/white board, try to write upside down. If you wear glasses, claim that your eye doctor prescribed wrongly. If not wearing glasses, claim that you need glasses.

32_Recite your essay Fonzie-style. Even better if you're reading Shakespearian stories.


	3. Chapter 3

chapter3

60 ways to annoy your teachers.

your teacher what they will be teaching, after reply "I'm out" give them your books at leave

your teacher is turned, throw your pen across the room and say "it slipped"

your teacher asks if anyone had any questions, say "yeah, how do i get boredom out of my head!"

a normally used word like "and" or "like" and every time it is said, clap your hands and run around your desk in a circle.

answering a true or false questions, everytime its false stand and yell "LIES ALL LIES!" sit down and act as if nothing has happened

your pen Mr. Pen and ask his opinion on the teacher's questions to you.

your teacher says something intelligent answer with "quite right old bean" in an English sort of manner

a smiley face on your paper and talk to it

Spanish class, specify that you don't speak Spanish so you don't understand

everyone bob and all the teachers Mr/Mrs bob

things and watch your teachers hunt for them

your teacher that you know that the calk dust is actually cocaine

a "brain dead….be back soon" on your desk and go to sleep when your teacher asks you to get up ask, "Can't you read the sign?"

all your erasers and make them into a big happy family

a funeral for the trees it took to make the lined paper, demanded for the whole class to take a moment of silence

your teacher explains something laugh loudly and yell "now I get it!"

the bell rings pick up your desk and turn it around

seats every 5 seconds

the history teacher that theres no point in learning about dead people cause there will be a zombie apocalypse soon

your teacher about the meaning of life

your math teacher and English question

22. Give your teacher abrupt comments about their appearance such as "I like your pants!" right in the middle of class

the lesson ahead of time and raise your hand when your teacher calls on you explain the whole lesson to the class in less then 30 seconds.

everyone in the class to click their pens at the exact same time over and over and over again

the teacher if you can be excused for life

your teacher where babies come from in the middle of a lesson

a big test, meditate on your desk and if anyone asks, "I'm channeling the spirit of Einstein"

open doors for invisible people

for an extra worksheets every day, claiming your dog keeps eating them

your teacher the same question for a week

to the principal the locker keeps eating your books

you have a sub, greet them by yelling "FRESH MEAT!"

your religion teacher you cant attend school anymore cause its against your religion

your hand, when they call on you just say "I'm pointing at the ceiling"

being given a worksheet, stick it in your mouth and eat it

on your pencil very loudly

the health teacher a pervert

the water fountains, make a slip n' slide down the halls

throw your pen across the room and say that your hands have "spastic arteries"

on your paper and say its in code so the people wont cheat on you

every question with "that's what she said, "your mom" or "your face"

random body parts and post them all over school

the bathroom signs

notes to your imaginary friend and ask why he didn't get in trouble if you get caught

to your friends across the room, if your teacher tells you to stop get up and go whisper to them instead

everytime something falls of a desk, saying it committed suicide

your teacher looks away, bang on the desk and scream when she turns back just do your work.

off your socks and make hand puppets, have them fight over answering the questions

your foreign language teacher what English words mean

a big rubber band ball to school and keep asking the teacher if they want any and throw it at them before they can answer.

your shadow of cheating

the teacher and ask if they've been drinking

into a different classroom and see how long it'll take until they notice

that you wrote the text books

your blind and deaf

at your classmates until they look at you, yell "STOP LOOKING AT ME FREAK YOUR DISTRACING ME!"

every question with "well heck, I dunno"

across the room, slap the teacher and tell them that "their it"

your pants off and put them in the lost and found

run to the window and say "oh sorry I thought I saw the bat signal"


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

all out of boredom

If you're feeling bored and you have nothing to do, you're in luck, because I have created a list of ways to annoy people, which will definitely brighten your day! And the best part of all is that it takes virtually no skill at all!

Okay, so yeah….

*ahem*

10. Poke them

This is probably the most common way to annoy someone. Poke them. Into insanity. And they get annoyed. Which is cool.

There are several variations in which you can do this. You can simply poke them once, and there you go. But that's boring, and it's not that annoying. You can also poke them a billion gazillion times over again and again and again really hard. That's pretty annoying. However, after a while, your finger tends to get a little sore. But that's okay, because it pays off in the end. Or, you can poke them and run away. Then come back, poke, and run away. Repeat this lots of times, and it gets them really ticked off.

My personal favorite way to poke people it with a stick or any large poky thing. Then your hand doesn't get that sore, and it really annoys whoever you're poking. And plus, you can also whack them on the head with the poky thing. And that's good.

9. Sing the same song over and over and over and over and over again

This is also pretty basic. It's very simple, really. Just sing a song that you enjoy and everybody hates (it really doesn't matter which) and sing it. A lot. Make sure you're singing in a really annoying voice, because if you sing nicely, then it's not annoying.

8. Scribble pen/marker/permanent marker on their face

This really annoys people A LOT. Just take a pen or whatever of a color that the person hates with a strong passion. Then sneak up on them. Or you don't have to sneak up on them, but you can just sit and start talking randomly, and they don't suspect anything. Then, when they're totally not expecting it, take your pen or whatever and SCRIBBLE! On their face! And that annoys them, because it takes forever to wash it off. Especially if you used a permanent marker.

The one problem with this technique of annoying people is that the person tends to get really ticked off at you because their face is all scribbled on. If you wish to try to scribble on someone's face, I suggest that you are very good at running away very very very fast. Or if you're good at climbing trees, that's good too. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

7. Put duct tape in their hair

For this one you might want the help of a few friends. What you do is you take a bunch of duct tape of any color. Make sure you already have a bunch of small strips of the duct tape pre-ripped-off-the-roll so you don't have to bother with cutting/ripping off pieces while you're being annoying.

So after that, you and your friends quietly sneak up behind the person you're going to annoy. Then, really fast, you stick a bunch of the duct tape in their hair. Then run away REALLY FAST. If the person has long hair, he or she may not notice that the duct tape is in their hair at first because you might have done it really gently so they didn't notice. But if they did notice, then you better watch out, because they might be a little mad.

It's really hard to get that stuff out of your hair, so once you got the duct tape in their hair, you've succeeded.

6. Prank call

This is my personal favorite way to annoy people. Prank calling is very classic and very fun to do. Simply memorize the person's number, dial, and call.

You might want to think of something to say before the person answers the phone, though, otherwise it'll be weird. Say something like, "Hello, I am Derick from Dinky's Diaper Service. I'm calling to confirm your order of ten thousand diapers. You should be receiving ten thousand diapers within three days, four hours, and sixteen minutes…" Or something random like that. And make sure you have a really weird voice so they don't recognize you.

If they have caller ID, then… To bad. Call anyway. Because it's fun. And then call a lot so it gets annoying. If they stop answering, then leave a lot of messages.

5. Bite them

I also enjoy this one. A lot. Just grab their arm, or leg, or whatever, and bite. And then run away. And then come back. And then bite. And then run away. And then come back. And then bite.

Repeat this a billion times, and it gets really annoying for them. You don't have to draw blood when you bite, just make sure you leave bite marks.

4. Squirt ketchup at them

This is somewhat similar to the pen scribbling thing. Kind of. But not really.

Simply take a ketchup bottle, and squirt. It's really easy, actually.

Other substitutes for ketchup if you don't have any are mustard, chocolate syrup, cherry syrup, etc. Something red is usually better, because it stains.

3. Quote Yoda

Even if the person is a huge Star Wars fan, it gets annoying after a while. It's quite easy to do this; just say the subject last, or whatever. I don't know grammar very good.

2. Act like you're drunk

This is really fun to do. You don't have to be drunk, either! Just walk around in circles, fall over, talk randomly, scream, foam at the mouth, giggle insanely, whatever. If anyone asks for an explanation, attack them with a stick. If they get mad, offer them a cup of vodka, saying it soothes the mind.

1. Give them weird presents

It can be anything, really. It can be a screwdriver, or a dead squirrel, or moldy bologna, or baby clothes (in a color that he or she hates), or tin foil, or a piece of paper, or ear wax, or whatever. Or you can just wrap up a box and decorate it and then don't put anything in it.

Also, if you know who the person has a crush on, on the package you can write; "To, *insert person's name here* From, *insert name that the person likes*." This might get the person all excited and everything, and once they realize it's just some junk present, then you've succeeded in being annoying.

Do this a lot of times, too. Like, eight times a week. And don't stop.


	5. Chapter 5

new ways

-Swat invisible bugs on your neighbor's desk.  
-Get in a swivel chair, spin and sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".  
-Stare out the window, and drool.  
-While the teacher's back is to you, throw a pencil at the back of someone's head ahead of you.  
-After you finish your quiz in class, take to the ground and yell, "COVEERRR!". After a few seconds, get up like nothing happened.  
-Bring a small tape player, playing absurd sound effects.  
-Peer over at someone else's paper, then burst out laughing.  
-Smile incessantly. Write out a sentence, then laugh happily exclaiming, "You're such a marvel!" and kiss your paper. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug your desk, your neighbor, the teacher, your chair, etc.  
-If late, run into class yelling, "ARMAGEDDON IS HERE!" Then sit down at your desk as nothing happened.  
-Write really, REALLY fast, then stop abruptly, and look at your neightbour evilly. Do this every five minutes.  
-Try to seduce your neighbour, not paying attention to their sex.  
-Laugh hysterically and yell, "You will perish in CandyLand!", then continue as if nothing happened.  
-Laugh hysterically for three minutes, then stop abruptly, and look at everyone looking you as if THEY'RE crazy.  
-Five minutes before class ends, look at the clockwith a frightened look. Shout, "NO! THEY FOUND ME!" And bolt outta there.  
-Make out with your desk.  
-Make out with your paper.  
-Make out with pencil.  
-Make out with your chair.  
-Run out of the bathroom yelling, "IT FLOATS!"  
-Grab someone's folder, run off yelling, "TOUCHDOWN!"  
-Hold the door closed inside, so no one can enter before the bell rings.  
-Stand in the corner of the class, pretending to be a tree.  
-Run out of class holding your crotch yelling, "MY BALLS! MY BALLS!"  
-Bring a mini-camera, recording a video journal of yourself stranded in a desert island. Do this in the middle of class.  
-Try to start a wave.  
-Call your teacher mommy/daddy.  
-Bring in a bag of potato chips, and ask the teacher every ten minutes if the chip you're about to eat looks like your teacher.  
-Talk to your desk.  
-Bring a sock puppet, and speak through it.  
-Cry a lot.  
-Hoot and hollar randomly in class.  
-Come into class wearing ten pairs of socks. Take them off and drape them layer by layer onto your table, and explain sudden haiku of cotton on wood (or cotton on plastic).  
-Stop in middle of class and chant in a made-up langage, making all these eleborate hand gestures, and pointing at your paper. Do this every twenty minutes.  
-Start writing on your paper with an unsharpened pencil. Raise your and complain that the pencil doesn't work.  
-Bring a large portrait of the British Royal Family and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.  
-Try to surf the web on your calculator.  
-Ask random people if they have Canola oil. Walk away.  
-Insist your name is Martha. When called Martha, insist your name is Joe. Repeat this.  
-Pretend to be on the computer.


	6. Chapter 6

1) Sing the Batman theme continuously.  
2) In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."  
3) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".  
4) Learn Morse code, and have entire conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…"  
5) If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.  
6) Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.  
7) Speak only in a "robot" voice.  
8) Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.  
9) Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".  
10) Leave the copy machine se tot reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.  
11) Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.  
12) Sniffle incessantly.  
13) Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.  
14) Name you dog "Dog".  
15) Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".  
16) Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think:"  
17) Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training".  
18) Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."  
19) Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".  
20) Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.  
21) Practice making fax and modem noises,  
22) Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.  
23) Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.  
24) Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.  
25) Erect an elaborate network of ropes in you backyard, and tell you neighbors you are a "spider person".  
26) Finish all you sentences with the words, "in accordance with the prophesy."  
27) Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.  
28) Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.  
29) Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and yelling, "LA LA LA IM NOT LISTENING LA LA".  
30) Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.  
31) Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cowbell voice.  
32) Holler random numbers while someone is counting.  
33) Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".  
34) Drum on every available surface.  
35) Staple papers in the middle of the page.  
36) Ask 1800 operators for dates.  
37) Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.  
38) Sew anti-theft detectors strips into people's backpacks.  
39) Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.  
40) Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.  
41) Set alarms for random times.  
42) Order a side of pork rinds with you filet mignon.  
43) Instead of Gallo, serve Bight Train next Thanksgiving.  
44) Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.  
45) Honk and wave to strangers.  
46) Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.  
47) Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.  
48) Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.  
49) Wear your pants backwards.  
50) Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.  
51) Begin all you sentences with "ooh la la!"  
52) ONLY TYPE IN UPPER CASE.  
53) only type in lowercase.  
54) Don't use any punctuation either  
55) Buy large quantities of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.  
56) Pay for your dinner with 5 cent pieces.  
57) Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.  
58) Repeat everything someone says, as a question.  
59) Writ "X- BURIED TREASURE" in random spots all over someone's maps.  
60) Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/ UFO/ alien conspiracy theories.  
61) Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:" Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."  
62) Light road flares on a birthday cake.  
63) Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.  
64) Leave tips in foreign currencies.  
65) Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".  
66) At the Laundromat, use one drier for each of your socks.  
67) When Christmas caroling, sing 'Jingle Bells, Batman smells: until physically restrained.  
68) Wear a cape that says, "Magnificent One."  
69) As much as possible, skip rather than walk.  
70) Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.  
71) Pretend you computer mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.  
72) Try playing William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No wait, I messed t up," and repeat.  
73) Drive half a block.  
74) Inform others that they only exist in your imagination.  
75) Ask people what gender they are.  
76) Lick the filling out of all Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.  
77) Cultivate annoying accents, Norwegian for example.  
78) Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall of "in case the big one comes."  
79) Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodges in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Suagrs" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.  
80) While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. Like a parakeet.  
81) Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.  
82) Leave your Christmas lights up and lit till September.  
83) Change your name to "AaJohn AaaaaaaSmith" for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name and demand people pronounce each "a."  
84) Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.  
85) Chew on pens you've borrowed.  
86) Wear a LOT of bad perfume.  
87) Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".  
88) Sing along at the opera.  
89) Mow your law with scissors.  
90) At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatat-suhWING-batter."  
91) Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend.  
92) Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.  
93) As your co-workers mystery questions, then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."  
94) Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".  
95) Select the same song on a jukebox fifty times.  
96) Never make eye contact.  
97) Never break eye contact.  
98) Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.  
99) Construct your own pretend "tricorder" and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.  
100) Make appointments for the 31st of September.  
101) Invite lots of people to other people's parties.


End file.
